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Working Moms: Torn between joy, guilt and dearth of opportunities?

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Torn between joy, freedom, and guilt at leaving my then three-year-old daughter behind, I went to Europe to complete a part of my study programme in International Business in May 2015. My friends know what a conflicting time it was for me, given I had to miss moments such as my daughter's first day at school. I was judged aplenty by anybody and everybody. I was discouraged by many from going to Europe, just like I was discouraged from pursuing a steady career, afterwards.  I persisted.  Thankfully, my parents, my sister and my little daughter stood by me. I continued to work from home for two years, after birthing my son in 2017, until I was pushed to quit work for assorted reasons.  Trust me, I fought till the last.  I freelanced and consulted. I slogged it out for peanuts, only to run into an enormous blank wall, from time to time. I know that I am not alone in this journey.  I would like to share a friend's true story here. This was a girl who always wanted to be a doctor. S

20 years of Alaipayuthey, it is!

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20 years of Alaipayuthey, it is! When Alaipayuthey came out in 2000, some well-wishers had made it apparent to my parents that I was not to watch the movie at all. "Such a bad influence, they say," I was told. Curious and rebellious as I was, it was all I needed to want to watch the movie. When I went back to school later in June, there were animated discussions about the movie and the charming, dashing Madhavan (of course!) I'd be looked at like I'd missed so much in life! There was so much 'Alaipayuthey' in the air that I fell in love with the movie even before I'd watched it. By the time I watched the movie in Theni with my cousins, it was past October - those were times when you could catch a good movie months after its release, in a legit theatre. I was so, so smitten by the movie, the music, and the leads. The hype my friends had added to it only helped elevate the movie to give me such a high. Like the coming together of Potterheads, b

The Seeking

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Image sourced from https://bit.ly/2Te0uWu You've been to this place where the eye cannot see Convinced that you'd been robbed of all light that ever was you'd crept within and waited for the moment you'd be seen - so you may live and breathe and dance and find meaning, again. You screwed your eyes shut your eyelids latched in fear praying for deliverance, pledging kindness in return. Then comes the world (or your perception), crumbling, unleashing fireballs stilling you in the swirls ripping your cocoon, leaving nowhere to crouch or hide But just like love that blooms around the ways and times of an ugly war you sense your hope growing deep and tall in similes of grace embracing all.  You fall out of a massive sky inky and starred and vast and wide as the universe plays her songs of yore just as old as the burning stars reminding you to breathe, reminding you to hope,  leading you to drift in peace,  to give in to its calm. As you give in, overwhelmed come those shards

The Colour of Dissent

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The colour of dissent is not supposed to exist. Even if it did, would they care to see? But when the lights go off what eyes would you need? Choice is a paradox in times like these You'd better learn to wield dissent  with your hands tied down. Watch your step you may tread into waters Waters filled with moss and murk where light drowns in little Brownian dances Oh did you know these waters were meant to cleanse your heads and houses? Or that they rear pet sharks beneath taught to chew off heads that dare to resist? If you feel a chill creeping down your spine remember  that it has nothing to do with winter. But should winter come here it would have us turn to wolves so we'll stay in packs watching each other's back and fight through the disconnected dark with sockets spitting streams of sparks For in darkness we shall turn to light It is then that our fires burn bright. Picture credits: needpix.com

இதயங்களின் collateral damage

மண்டியிட்டு தொழும் அன்வர் பாய் வேறெதெற்கும் மண்டியிடுவதில்லை பேரப் பிள்ளைகளை அம்பாரி சுமக்கும் தருணங்கள் மாத்திரம் விதிவிலக்கு. நாள் தவறாமல் மதியம் மூன்று மணிக்கு பைபாஸ் ரோட்டின் வலப்புறம் அணைந்த குண்டம்மா கடையில் கப்பைவத்தல் வாங்கிக் கொள்கிறார் கொறிப்பதுமில்லை கொடுப்பதுமில்லை நிலைக்கும் பார்வை எதிர் நிற்கும் பசும்பொன்னார் சிலைமேல். பெரும்புழுதி கிளம்பவரும் பெரியகுளத்து பேருந்தின் இரைச்சல் மட்டுமே சலனம் செய்யும் சாவி. தேவர் சிலையொட்டி நிற்கும் ஊர்தி நோக்கி ஊர்ந்து இறங்கும் முதிய முகம் தோறும் அலசல்- நிற்க. முன்கதை இதோ. ஆண்டு எழுபத்தி ஆறாகிறது ஆருயிர் தோஸ்த் ரஹீம் வங்கதேயம் சென்று. பிழைப்பு தேடி பெயர்ந்தவன் வாக்கு ஒன்று தந்திருக்கிறான் பிரிந்த அதே இடம் அதே வேளையில் என்றேனும் மீண்டு நட்பை மீட்டு காலம் கைப்பற்றி சிறுவர்களாய் தொலையலாம் என. பாவம் அன்வர் பாய் சேதி அறியவில்லை அடர்ந்த அவரது வெள்ளைரோமங்கள் காதுக்கு வேலிசெய்கின்றன முதியவரினின்று உண்மையை போர்த்தி மூடும் நரைகளின் கருணை ரஹீம் பாயின் காலுக்கடியில் இருந்து நழுவிப்போன மண்ணின் உரிமை அவருக்கு தெரிய

Respite

Sometimes they'll know that you aren't listening and they'll tell you aren't yourself that you've lost your happy because you chose to walk out How will they know that you are still falling because you broke out of a lonely house hinged to the top of a ragged cliff that housed horrors that haunt realtime that you had to get out of it but the only way out was a fall that even as you fall the winds rake you but you scream and you know that it heals your void and you know you shouldn't forget that you'd break that fall on a heap of soft wet earth with tinkles promising a wayside stream where you'll wash and swim and drink to your fill And look and be and smell and sound like how you did like you were before young, trusting and gurgling, raw, prime, happy, bold and ready.

To the flawed and the fabulous.

Thank you. Let us leave it there. I'm not in the mood for your version of things. All I crave for is some sleep. May the night iron out all things gone wrong. No. Don't be guilty, please. We were meant to be this way, to be blundering, thinking machines that switch down to feeling at times too raw. Let's sleep on it. May the stars come out to dust away the creases on your forehead. If I've learnt anything at all, through all these days, it is this: The Truth is too powerful for us to receive. Your truth, and my truth, may never meet; they may never merge. But one can never devour the other, period. The universe is dotted with many truths that lie side by side. Sometimes they slide, at times collide. The stars that are up there tonight, may they lead the minds away from the burden of proof. May they sing to us the song of the beginning that remind us how beautifully flawed we are. Like the hollow in the solo tamarind tree that stands in the midd